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The Vocation of the Priest’s Wife in Eastern Christianity

By Alexander Laschuk, Eparchy of Toronto

Since the period of the Early Church women have made a significant contribution to the ministry of Eastern Christianity. These women have come from a variety of backgrounds, but can primarily be divided into three groups: monastics, deaconesses, and lay women. This participation in Church life, while developing into different roles, has continued until the modern era. In the contemporary Church, the role of women is predominantly located in areas of administration, education, and pastoral ministry. This Since the early Church the ministry of women service of females in the Church creates has provided a support to the Church which is a complementary service pastoral activity existing alongsideto the sacerdotal ordained ministry of the clergy.1 These

These contributions by women in the Church all aid the priest in his ministry between God and His people. The priest’s ministry is diverse; he brings to Christ the prayers, repentance, and worship of his parishioners,parishioners and God brings down through him blessings, grace, forgiveness, and the very gift of salvation to his community.2 In reflection of the sacerdotal ministry, the Ecumenical Patriarch Bartholomew Bartholomew remarks that the ordained sacerdotal ministry is “distinctly delicate and ever painful.”3 He This “painful” ministry requires the prayerful support of his community and his family.continues in saying that The Patriarch goes on to remark that “iIt is without doubt that no priest can adequately perform his work if he is not supported and strengthened in everyway by his immediate family environment, and especially by his wife.”4

Because of this support the priest does not stand before God entirely alone in his parish. There is thus one female’s role in the parish whichwho arguably does not exist serve purely “alongside” the ministry of the priest but instead directly shares in his his ministry by virtue of a her marriagesacramental bond . - This female is the presbytera.5 In the contemporary Church, the wife of the priest is said to exercise a special ministry in the renewal of Church life.6 She is called to be a support of her husbandher husband’s support it is with her that, a place where he can take refuge when he is weary. She is his partner in prayer, fasting, almsgiving, and in the Christian life. She exercises a special ministry of renewing Church life.7 She teaches many of the sacred traditions, including the making the bread to becomefor Eucharist in the Divine Liturgy. Most importantly, however, S she is mother not only to her own children, but also to those of her parish.8

Because of her life-service to the Church Tthere thus emerges two defining moments in the life of a presbytera: her the day of her marriage to her husband, and the day of his ordination. First, inIn marriage, the couple makes a commitment to each other for life. In In this sacramentthis moment the couple also commits themselves to the service of God.9 Their This promised commitmentservice to God becomes manifested most clearly for this couple in the second moment, the husband’s ordination to the priesthood. She participates in the sacrament of ordination herself. In both the Orthodox and Eastern Catholic Churches, the wife Sometimes, years may pass between marriage and ordination; in some cases, it was not something the wife expected to be a part of her life. This can, in some cases, be a source of tension in the marriage. Because she is an important part of his ministry, the wife participates in this ordination herself. First, she must give her express written consent prior to the ordination. This is the tradition in both the Orthodox Church, and the Eastern Catholic Churches.10 Secondly, sShe also participates in the ordination liturgy by virtue of in her prayer. She recognizes the sacrifices that they have both made into order to reachreach this that day, and her cry of “axioss” will join those of the Church; all, together they showing their approval and commitment to the new candidate and his ministry. Thus, fromFrom the very beginning, she participates in the ordained ministry of her husband through a their unique sacramental bond.11

This participation has many formsHer participation, however, can have many forms and expressions. Each priest’s wife can offers service depending on her talents, availability, and desire.12 Some will work in a parish fulltime, while others will work much less often. However, by virtue of their her marriage, the presbytera is called to support her husband. She “is called to be the powerful arm that supports him,. […She is] the serene lake where he will take refuge when weary from his many pastoral concerns and cares.”13 She is helps him cope with the stresses of his occupation.14 In fact, the priest’s wife is the most readily identified support amongst clergy surveyed.Of all the sources of support, the priest’s wife is the most significant and the most common amongst clergy.15 This is obvious in She is his primary form of coping with the many stresses and challenges of his occupation.16 In fact, a recent survey conducted by the Patriarch Athenagoras Orthodox Institute where indicated that ninety-percent of clergy surveyed indicated that they said they experienced “strong support” from their wives.17 (This is a survey which polled clergy from the Orthodox Church in America and the Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of America) In factIn this same survey, approximately eighty percent of Orthodox priest’s clergy surveyed agreed with the statement: “I see my wife as a partner sharing in my ministry in the parish.”18

Beyond supporting her husband, the presbytera can participate in her husband’s ministry by her being an example in their parish community. Her husband “is obliged to project himself and his family as an example of obedience and compliance to God’s will in order for the priest’s word to be convincing and effective,.” and she aids him in this obligation.19 Just as her husband can and should be a role model for all husbands, she can should be a model for wives and mothers in both her parish and her community.20 The perception of the family can influence her husband’s ministry; Hher family will be frequently observed in the parish, and how her family is regarded will impact the reception reception of her husband’s ministry’s ministry in their parish.

The presbytera may also participate in her husband’s ministry by her direct service to the community. This service can take many forms according to her skills and desires. Some parish priestsclergy-wives will participate in many different formsserve in a variety of capacities, others, in only a few. Some priest wives participate in maintaining the vestments and the altar veils and ensuring they are appropriate in appearanceare appropriate. As extension, sheShe will also remind her husband to remain appropriate presentable in his appearance when he forgets. Both the Holy Altar and the priest must reflect the respect and dignity of his position. In some Eastern traditions, the priest’s wife may also keep the sanctuary clean and change the linens as the liturgical seasons changeapproach. However, in many Eastern Churches women are not allowed in the sanctuary and she will have to remind her husband to direct this task.21

The presbytera will directly participateshare in the pastoral ministry of her husband, functioning often as receptionist administrative assistant in the rectorywhen the phone rings at home.. She will also be involved in the entertaining of guests, including guest clergy and their families and the bishops, who are visiting from out of town.22 Some priest’s wives are involved in many forms of ministerial outreach, including children and the youth through participation in organizations such as the Greek Orthodox Youth of America (GOYA), and Junior Orthodox Youth (JOY), and . This ministry may also occur to college campuses or to young adults through organizations such as the Young Adult League (YAL) in the Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of America.23

Many presbyteras assist their husbands in the organization of many parish projects in a parish; thesethis may can include parish nurse programs. Those priest’s wives who have artistic talents may expressfind expression these in a variety of forms. This may materialize in arranging the arrangement of flowers for icons or, crosses on feast days, or the Sepulchre in Holy Week. , or the Sepulchre on feast days. She may help decorate the Church hall before functions. This Many presbyteras participateartistic skill may also involve participation in the liturgical singing of the parish either in a choir choral or congregational singing.24 Some priest’s wives may participate in the instruction of catechism classes for children and adults. In all these tasks, Priest’s wives also frequently bake the bread for Eucharist or Lytia. Theypresbyteras thus provide an importantmany important and valuable services to the Church., Often these roles will be thankless, but she serves and for “the love of Christ and her husband, [and in doing so] she surpasses her nature.”25

There are, however, many hardships in the vocation of a presbytera. This Since most clergy-wives is not a position she always had intended to be in, as most primarily married their husbands out of love and not out of a “call” to share in the priesthood themselves (although, this is potentially not always the case), her participation in this ministry may not be something she would have originally intended.26 In sharing in this ministry, she is in a particularly isolated position. The Church has a separation between clergy and laity, and because of this she is without a place. In a Church with a sharp separation between clergy and laity, she is in a particularly isolated position. She may not be fully accepted by her fellow parishioners because of her position. She is normally a member of the community which the priest ministers to, but yet she has a special relationship with him. She may not be fully accepted by her fellow parishioners because of her position. Yet, aAt the same time, however, she cannot fully identify with her husband because of his sacerdotal state. The presbytera, like the spouse of most public figures, She will become identified by her husband and always be seen and approached in relation to him, which can be difficult for some women. This can be a devastating concept for some women who strive for independence.27

As a result, Because because of her husband’s position, clergy wives are an extreme example of situations where a spouse “is expected to subordinate her own desires and development to create a loving home environment for her husband and children.”28 Many wives complain that there are too many expectations of them, and that it is often difficult to do both what they desire and what iswhat is expected of them.29 She has little privacy, and her house is, in many ways, a public building constantly full of guests.30 In the midst of her lack of privacy, she is constantly frequently criticized by her congregation.31 Her life is thus filled with boundary difficulties, where it can is beoften seemingly impossible to separate the professional and private lives aspects of her family. The congregation consistently engages in boundary intrusions, and this is often reinforced by willing self-sacrifice on the part of clergy families.32 This lack of boundaries can create frequent stresses for the presbytera.

Another source of anxiety stress in the vocation of the presbytera is clergy-transfers. During the priest’s ministry, he can be transferred moved voluntarily or involuntarily for a variety of reasons. While voluntary moves are (hopefully) the result of consultation between the priest and his wife, involuntarily moves can cause the presbytera to perhaps unwillingly face the concept of relocationrelocatedrelocate from the home of both herself and her children. It can cause divisions in the parish, and also hurt the priest and his family. Children are often unsure as to why they have to move. The wife, like the rest of her family, will have to leave behind relationships and in some cases places of employment. Before There is a new and uncertain environment waiting in the new parish, which again can become a source of stress. them awaits a new parish, which may cause stress from uncertainty. T There are also financial considerations in the move, and a couple may not be able to afford transporting all of their items, especially if the move is over a longin geographically large dioceses or distance and if their diocese does not sufficiently provide for moving expenses.33

These challenges to her vocation can cause stress in not only her lifeon herself but also in her marriage. Clergy marriages are highly visible and symbolic unions in their communities,communities and parishioners often regard them as models for their own unions. are thought to model marriage in the eyes of their parishioners.34 At the same time, hThis rarely takes into account that owever, these relationships are human and can suffer from marital and family crises like any other relationship.35 If these marriages break down, there can be serious consequences for the priest’s ministry in his congregation.36 There are a variety of causes for these marital stresses. Time is an important issue, where clergy-couples find their days fragmented. Conflicts often erupt over scheduling where, as clergy husbands are often criticized by their wives for spending too much time in their ministry.37 This These frequent absences can become damaging to the life of the spouse, one study indicated that ten percent of clergy wives surveyed indicated that theycause wives to feel a “felt the lack of pastoral care in their lives to such a degree that it raised unusual anxiety for them or impaired their adequate functioning.”38 This usually results from a significant communication gap between the spouses.39

Financial considerations can also cause domestic stress between spouses. Historically, the salary of clergy in the Eastern Churches has been very low. In recent years, however, many dioceses in North America have attempted to standardized salaries, or at least established minimum standards of pay for parishes to follow. HoweverDespite this, despite this, many priests or their wives are forced to seek alternate employment in order to provide for their employees. This is especially the case in communities with a higher standard of living. There are also many smaller parishes which are unable to provide for a priest financially, and this can cause a hierarchy of parishes with priests attempting to gain the larger, wealthier parishes.40 In some cases, too, clergy can regard themselves as professionals as opposed to servants and because of this . As professionals, tthey expect to be remunerated based on their performance, experience and the education required for their their position.41

The many Ccases of low salary and high cost of living, however, can make financial decisions very difficult for a family. This can reach a climax , especially when children approach post-secondary education or when medical situations arrive and the diocese or parish does not have provide health coverage. This is more of a problem when pClergy in parishesarishes do that are withoutnot have rectories and have increased living expenses are increasedand this too can cause stress. Worse yet is w. When priests become disabled or elderly, as the problem is only compounded. Tthere are rarely pensions in place for priests, and this can force them to serve well past their age of effectiveness.42 In some rare situations when a priest dies in an accident leavingand leaves a young family behind, they the presbytera may be can be left without a source of income, and inor even some cases be asked to leave the rectory leaving them homeless.

There are two basic ways in which a presbytera can respond to all of these challenges of in her vocation. First, she may become a fully committed parish worker, following the a traditional role by of spending much all of her time in the parish in a variety of ministries. Alternatively, she may become a ‘drop-out’ clergy wife, attempting to distance herself from her husband’s ministry at all costs.43 Sometimes, this may include resorting to divorce when that distance is found to be unattainable. In reality, most clergy-wives respond in between these two poles, as far as their particular circumstances will allow.

These responses are, on average, different The contemporary presbytera responds to her vocation differently todaytoday than the traditional presbytera in the mid-twentieth century. The last fifty years has seen radical changes with respect to the role of women in society. In 2006, aA 2006 study indicated that about half of Orthodox clergy-wives surveyed have had jobs outside of the parish. The percentage of stay-at-home wives was higher (55%) in the Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of America (GOA) than the Orthodox Church in America (OCA) which has 40% of wives without alternative employment. This is likely related to not only the greater ethnic diversity of the OCA, but more importantly to the fact of the GOA having larger parishes and thus higher salaries, with the average GOA parish numbering 1099 persons compared to the average OCA parish which has 182 persons. The study also interestingly indicated thatThe study also noted that the percentage of at-home presbyteras was higher amongst younger clergy (under forty-five) have a higher percentage of stay-at-home wives.44

The last fifty years has seen radical changes with respect to the role of women in society. The change in the vocation of the presbytera is in at least part a result of many contemporary clergy wives no longer gaining their primary identity from their husband’s ministry. They are increasingly involved within their own careers and past-times and it is from here .45 For that many many of these clergy-wives, they now gain their identities from their own careers.4647 The contemporary clergy-wife also differs with respect to her religious beliefs has changing religious beliefs – nearly half of the subjects of one survey had views described as “non-traditional” (either “moderate/mainline” or “liberal”).48 Regardless of their beliefs, however, the same survey indicated that those surveyed integrated their belief into a pattern of service both within and outside the Church.49

As one Archbishop remarked, “to be a priest’s wife is to accept the following: blessing (eulogia), sacrifice (thysia), service (diakonia), and responsibility (euthyne).”50 Her life is one full of blessings. She blesses others with her ministry, and she blesses her husband with her support. She makes it more possible for her husband to give blessings to others. She herself is blessed by those in her community. Her life is one of sacrifice. There are many challenges to the life of a presbytera. There may be times where her husband will be desolate. He will be discouraged. Some priests have even been left without a parish and a paycheque. There are many challenges to the life of a presbytera. She lives a life of service. She participates in the common ministry of the laity which creates a “supportive diakonia” towards the sacerdotal ordained ministry of her husband.51

Finally, she lives a life of responsibility. Just as her husband is called ‘father’, she is called to be the mother of her parishioners. She is even called matushka (mother) in some Slavic traditions. She is the presbytera, the other half of the presbyteros.52 In some Slavic Eastern traditions, she is called mother. In the Greek tradition the hand of the presbyter is kissed out of piety, and the hand of the priest’s wife out of respect and honour. Her life is fulfilling and rewarding, and she is able to transform the society around her because of her position. In sharing in the ministry of her husband, she serves her community, her husband, God, and His Church.53 In the Greek tradition the hand of the presbyter is kissed out of piety, but the hand of the priest’s wife out of respect and honour.54 The presbytera, in service to her husband and her Church, is a source of edification for herself, her husband, and her community. The sacrament of marriage “perfects the human love of the spouses, strengthens their indissoluble unity, and sanctifies them on the way to eternal life.”55 Together, with her husband, she can mutually strive for the sanctification which will bear her into eternal life. In sharing her husband’s ministry by virtue of their sacramental bond, she becomes the “good and trustworthy servant” who may enter into the final, eternal joy of the Master.56

She is the presbytera, the other half of the presbyteros.57 Her life is fulfilling and rewarding, and she is able to transform the society around her because of her position. In sharing in the ministry of her husband, she can serve God and His Church.58 +CLOSING LINE

WORKS CITED

Hartley, Shirley F. and Mary G. Taylor. “Religious Beliefs of Clergy Wives”. Review of Religious Research. 19 (1977), 63-73.

Hartley, Shirley Foster. “Marital Satisfaction Amongst Clergy Wives”. Review of Religious Research. 19 (1978), 178-191.

Kollontai, Pauline. “Contemporary Thinking on the Role and Ministry of Women in the Orthodox Church”. Journal of Contemporary Religion. 15 (2000), 165-179.

Krindatch, Alexei D. Evolving Visions of the Orthodox Priesthood in America: a Study Report. Berkley: Patriarch Athenagoras Orthodox Institute, 2006.

Lee, Cameron. “Rethinking Boundary Ambiguity from an Ecological Perspective: Stress in Protestant Clergy Families”. Family Process. 34 (1995), 75-86.

Libreria Editrice Vaticana. Catechism of the Catholic Church. New York: Doubleday Books, 1997.

----------. Codex Canonum Ecclesiarum Orientalium. trans. Canon Law Society of America. Washington: CLSA Press, 2001.

Mace, David R. “Clergy Families in Transition”. Pastoral Psychology. 30 (1982), 139-140.

Minn, Mark R. et al. “Care for Pastors: Learning from Clergy and their Spouses.” Pastoral Psychology. 53 (2005), 563-581.

Niswander, Bonnie J. “Clergy Wives of a New Generation”. Pastoral Psychology. 30 (1982), 160-169.

Papademetriou, Athanasia. Presbytera: The Life, Mission, and Service of the Priest’s Wife. Boston: Somerset Hall Press, 2004.

Patriarch Bartholomew. Introduction. Presbytera: The Life, Mission, and Service of the Priest’s Wife. By Athanasia Papademetriou. Boston: Somerset Hall Press, 2004. ix-xi.

Pepper, Mary. “Warnings from a Wife”. New Blackfriars. 65 (1984), 467-471.

Presnell, William B. “The Minister’s Own Marriage”. Pastoral Psychology. 25 (1977), 272-281.

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